My Left Kidney is a Slacker

I’ve been on this medical odyssey ever since I went to the eye doctor and she noticed deposits on my retina that indicated my cholesterol could be high. She took my blood pressure and it was high (which I could have told her), and with 40 staring me in the face, I decided to finally get my ass to a doctor and make sure I wasn’t looking at imminent death.

Fast forward past some blood work that indicated my kidneys weren’t working at 100%, an ultrasound, a trip to a nephrologist and a renal scan, and it turns out that my left kidney is smaller than the right one and basically not doing much of anything. He’s just hanging on leeching off my bloodstream and enjoying the free ride. We have no way of knowing if he’s always been this way or if I slowly beat him into dwarfhood over the years, but the good news is that the other fella is pulling his weight and filtering away.

But I also have cysts on my kidneys, so now I have to trot out for an MRI to make sure they’re not cancerous. So not only is my left kidney shirking his responsibilities, he could be killing me in the process. I just hope he realizes that if he offs me, the gravy train is over and he’s out on the street.


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