Fish Out of Water

Pardon my veering into Seinfeldian territory here, but what’s the deal with all these fish stickers I’m seeing on cars these days? I’ve got no problem with Calvin pissing on everything from rival car manufacturer logos to sports teams (although I’m sure Bill Watterson does), I don’t mind a stick figure of every member of your family lined up like they’re waiting for a firing squad, and I don’t care if you want to honor every NASCAR number ever slapped on the side of a stock car. But I’m seeing swordfish, sailfish, bass, carp, salmon, the whole damn Red Lobster menu on people’s windows.

I suppose it’s possible all these people fish and they’re bragging about what they’ve caught. But it makes it look like they’ve only ever caught one fish, which, if true, means it’s probably time for them to try a new hobby.

It could be a warning — “Hey bass! You see this? I’m coming for you!” But unless fish are starting to hang out at intersections, it’s a pretty empty threat.

Maybe they’re all Pisces, but that’s just too coincidental to be true. Besides, some of them were driving Tauruses.

Perhaps it’s best not to ponder what’s going on. Maybe it’s a secret code, and pursuing to too far will result in some sort of Dan Brown-esque adventure, except I’ll have better hair than Tom Hanks. One day, all the fish stickered cars will gather at some predetermined location and some universal truth will be revealed to those with enough foresight to have stuck a cod to their window.

I’ll bring the tartar sauce.

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