Look That Up In Your Funk and Wagnalls

The world can be a treacherous place.  There are people out there who don’t think like you do.  And who might one day make your kids not think like you do.  We can’t have our precious precious snowflakes exposed to anything that might make them think for themselves, now can we?

So some parents got together and managed to BAN THE DICTIONARY.

That’s right, because some kid acted like kids have acted since, well, forever, and looked up “oral sex” in the dictionary, a group of concerned parents managed to get dictionaries pulled out of classrooms in some California schools.

Now while I’m astounded by the stupidity of these parents, my ire really goes towards the school officials who didn’t listen to their complaint and say, “Are you out of your minds?”  I mean, the goddamn dictionary???  While we’re at it, why don’t we just stop teaching the alphabet, since it can be used to spell dirty words?  Hey, you know what?  Let’s save a ton of tax dollars and just not have schools anymore!  What, parents aren’t good enough to teach their own kids?  We’re wasting money on schools when there’s foreign countries we still haven’t dropped bombs on yet!

I sincerely wish someone — and someone with a sense of gravitas and respectability, not some member of the lunatic fringe — would mount a sincere effort to try and get the Bible taken out of libraries.  Make reasoned and logical arguments about the amount of graphic violence and sex — including incest — that’s in it, and how that’s inappropriate for children.  And then never stop screaming about the sheer hypocrisy of it when they get turned down and called anti-religion.

Well you know what?  Better anti-religion than anti-learning.  Why are people so damned afraid of their kids being smarter than they are? Of their kids being exposed to ideas that might actually force them to think about what they believe instead of blindly believing Mommy and Daddy?  They cry about how they want their kids to have it better than they did.  Crap.  They want them to have it exactly as they did, right down to the antiquated ideas of what’s right and wrong.

So for now, it’s dirty words in the dictionary.  Later, it’ll be dirty parts of the body in the encyclopedia.  Then, it’ll be dirty ideas we don’t agree with in books.  And they’ll we’ll be skipping happily along reading — and thinking — whatever we’re told, because someone made all the bad stuff go away.

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